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Protect yourself

How to recognize warning signs, act on them, and get out of situations that feel wrong.

For every age: lessons for parents to teach young children, and guides for teens and adults on dating, parties, travel, going online and scams.

If something happened to you, it was not your fault.

Situations this covers

The five key lessons

The core of Protect yourself. They're taught at every age, in words that fit the age.

  1. 1Notice small warning signs early.Harm rarely starts with something obviously dangerous. It usually starts with small things: pushing a boundary, asking you to keep a secret, cutting you off from friends, gifts or attention that feel like too much.[4, 2]
  2. 2Act on the feeling that something is wrong.You don't need proof, or a reason you can explain. If something feels off, that's enough to leave, move somewhere with more people, or call someone.[5, 6, 7]
  3. 3Plan how you'd leave before you need to.Agree a code word with a parent or friend that means "come and get me, no questions asked," and have an excuse ready so you can leave without a scene.[8, 9, 6, 10]
  4. 4Leave without worrying about being rude.You don't owe anyone an explanation, and you don't owe anything in return for a gift, a drink or a date. Children can say no to adults too.[4, 11]
  5. 5You can leave at any point, even if you went along at first.You can change your mind at any time, even partway through, and a yes earlier doesn't mean yes now.[12, 13]

From the stats

6.9%

of women have experienced an attempted forced rape. This is the closest the CDC survey comes to counting a near miss, and it only covers attempts that used force or threats of force.

CDC NISVS 2023/2024, attempted forced penetrationMore in Stats
46% fewer

completed rapes, and 63% fewer attempted rapes, among first-year university women in Canada who took a four-session resistance program. The effects lasted at least two years.

Senn et al., New England Journal of Medicine, 2015 (1-year results); Senn et al., Psychology of Women Quarterly, 2017 (2-year results). Randomized trial, 893 women, Enhanced Assess, Acknowledge, Act (EAAA)More in Stats
Acting back works

In federal crime survey data, most protective actions, forceful or not, lowered the chance an attempted rape was completed, without raising the risk of other injury. Other research, including a 2016 meta-analysis, has linked resistance, especially physical resistance, to a higher chance of other physical injury, so researchers still debate this.

Tark & Kleck, Violence Against Women, 2014. NCVS 1992–2002. Wong & Balemba, Aggression and Violent Behavior, 2016 (meta-analysis)More in Stats

When girls are raped before 18, the person is usually someone they know

  • Acquaintance43.7%
  • Current or former partner28.8%
  • Family member27.7%
  • Stranger10.1%
CDC NISVS 2012, female victims of completed or attempted rape before age 18. Some survivors were harmed by more than one person, so these can add to more than 100%.More in Stats

Common misconceptions

People think“If I went along at first, I agreed.”
ActuallyConsent can be withdrawn at any point, and a yes earlier doesn't mean yes now.[12, 13]
People think“Danger mostly comes from strangers.”
ActuallyAbout 90% of child sexual abuse is by someone the child or family knows and trusts, and sexual violence is often committed by someone the person knows.[14, 15]
People think“If you'd been more careful, it wouldn't have happened.”
ActuallyThe person who causes harm is always responsible. Self-protection is about having more options, never about blame.[16, 17]

Protect yourself lessons by age

Every lesson and guide, by age

A real story about protecting yourself

Real story. No AI was used to write it.For teens and adultsStacy's near miss: the job interviewThis is the *first time* I've ever told this story. I don't think I've ever once even mentioned to another human being that this happened to me. I think it was because I was embarrassed that my own naiveté led me into it.Trusting your gutWarning signs

The other two paths

Protecting yourself is one of three roles the site teaches. The other two cover not causing harm and helping others.

Check yourselfHow to make sure you never cause harm: consent, alcohol, pressure, and speaking up when a friend crosses a line.Step inWhat to do when you see something wrong happening, from a friend in trouble at a party to harassment on the street.

Sources

  1. NCMEC, Sextortion: what parents should know
  2. Know2Protect, US Department of Homeland Security
  3. Federal Trade Commission, How to avoid a scam
  4. loveisrespect, warning signs of abuse
  5. Nemours KidsHealth, Teaching kids to be smart about strangers
  6. Nemours KidsHealth, Peer pressure
  7. Seattle Police Department, Personal safety
  8. Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Develop a code word
  9. CBS News, The X-Plan
  10. Child Mind Institute, 10 ways to teach your child the skills to prevent sexual abuse
  11. American Academy of Pediatrics, Preventing child sexual abuse
  12. Carnegie Mellon University, Consent and incapacitation
  13. American Academy of Pediatrics, Expect respect: healthy relationships
  14. CDC, About child sexual abuse
  15. CDC, About sexual violence
  16. Bonar et al., Prevention of sexual violence among college students (2022)
  17. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, Sextortion

Summarized from public sources with the help of AI, reviewed by Stacy Willis.

Last updated [not yet reviewed]Reviewed by Stacy WillisSummarized from public sources with the help of AI, reviewed by Stacy Willis.How this site is made