Drunk can mean they can't say yes

Drinking at your age carries real risks of its own, but it does happen at some parties, so it's worth knowing this. Alcohol and drugs can take away someone's ability to say yes. This guide covers how to tell when someone can't consent, why your own drinking doesn't change your responsibility, and how to look after someone who's had too much.

What to know about alcohol and consent

• Someone who is incapacitated can't consent [1]. Incapacitated means they physically or mentally can't make clear, informed decisions. That includes being asleep or unconscious, or being too affected by alcohol or drugs [1]. They may not understand what's happening or what could come of it [3].
• The safest rule is simple. CMU's advice is not to do anything sexual if either of you is intoxicated [1].
• Your own drinking is no excuse. Anyone who starts sexual activity is responsible for getting consent [3]. In Purdue's words, "Being drunk or high does not excuse someone from making sure they have consent" [3].
• Alcohol hits teens fast. Teens reach binge-level blood alcohol (0.08%) with fewer drinks than adults: about three drinks in two hours for girls, and three to five for boys, depending on age and size [2].
• Alcohol makes harm more likely. It leads to poor decisions about risk, including unsafe sex and aggressive or violent behavior [2]. Teen binge drinking is linked with a higher chance of being either the victim or the person who causes violence [2]. In college, 75% or more of reported sexual assaults involve alcohol [1].

Signs someone can't consent

Any of these means the person may be incapacitated [3]:

• slurred speech or trouble speaking clearly
• stumbling, falling, or not being able to walk without help
• being confused about what's happening or where they are
• trouble with simple things like drinking, eating or texting
• not remembering basic facts, like what day it is or friends' names
• vomiting
• wetting or soiling themselves
• getting combative or very emotional
• being asleep or unconscious

What you can do

1. If either of you has been drinking or using drugs, don't start anything sexual [1].
2. When in doubt, don't. If you're not sure someone can make decisions, skip any sexual activity [3].
3. Don't rely on an earlier yes. Past consent isn't consent now, and someone falling asleep or passing out is a sign to stop [1].
4. Look out for them instead. Call 911 if someone shows signs of alcohol overdose. These include confusion, being hard or impossible to wake, vomiting, seizures, slow breathing, clammy skin, very low body temperature, or bluish or pale skin. Don't wait for every sign to show up [4].
5. Stay with them. Keep them sitting or partly upright. If they're throwing up, help them lean forward. If they've passed out, roll them onto their side so they don't choke [4].
6. Skip the myths. Coffee, cold showers and walking don't sober someone up and can make things worse. Letting them sleep it off isn't safe, because alcohol keeps entering the blood even after they stop drinking [4].

Where to get help

• In an emergency, call 911
• RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.HOPE (4673), or text HOPE to 64673, 24/7
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, 24/7
• Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, 24/7
• See our Need help now page for more options