Don't forward it, don't pile on

At this age, one forward or one comment in a group chat can hurt someone badly. This lesson is about using that power well: treat people online the way you would face to face, never pass on images of anyone, and never pressure anyone. Bodies are changing too. Curiosity is normal at this age [6]. What matters is respect for other people's privacy and comfort.

Start the talk

Say it in your own words. These are the ideas to get across, not a script to read.

• Online counts as in person. Treat people online the way you would face to face: no mean messages, no gossip, no leaving people out on purpose [3]. You might say: "If you wouldn't say it to their face at lunch, don't type it in the group chat."
• The chain stops with you. Never forward a nude or sexual image of someone, because every share makes it more likely to end up in dangerous hands [1]. Report it instead, and the same goes for fake nudes made with AI [2]. You might say: "If a picture like that of someone ever lands on your phone, don't send it on, don't screenshot it, and come tell me. We'll report it."
• Pressure is never OK, either way. Pressuring someone into anything sexual or uncomfortable is not OK, and neither is being pressured [1, 4]. You might say: "Nobody gets to push you. And you never push anyone either, even as a joke, even if everyone else is doing it."
• Check yourself and read the other person. Kids can ask themselves whether they actually want this and whether they feel safe and respected. They can also notice whether someone is leaning in or pulling away. Not saying "stop" is not the same as saying yes [4]. You might say: "If a friend goes quiet or turns away while you're joking around, that's your sign to stop."
• Bodies are private. Curiosity about bodies is a normal part of growing up at this age [6]. Sexual behavior through phones or the internet is a sign that something needs an adult's help [6]. You might say: "Being curious is normal. Comments about someone else's body, or pictures of it, aren't yours to share."

Ask "what would you do?"

Let them answer first. There's no wrong answer, only a chance to talk it through.

1. In the class group chat, someone posts an edited photo that makes a classmate look ridiculous. Everyone is sending laughing emojis. What to listen for: Not adding to it and not forwarding it [3]. A strong answer might also include saying something, leaving the chat or telling an adult. If your child says "it's just a joke," ask how the classmate would feel seeing it [3].
2. A friend wants to dare someone in your grade to send a photo "for a laugh," and asks you to help. What to listen for: Seeing that a dare is still pressure, and pressure is not OK [1, 4]. Help your child come up with a way to say no that they'd actually use.
3. You're play-fighting with a friend who laughs and says "stop," then goes quiet. What to listen for: Stopping right away and checking in [4]. If your child often keeps going after other children say stop about bodies or touching, Stop It Now treats that as a reason to get professional advice [5].

Try it together

Play "the forward test." Make up four or five messages or photos a child might get: a funny meme, a rumor, an edited photo of a classmate, a screenshot of a private chat. For each one, decide together: send it, change it, or don't send it. Use three questions. Would I say this to their face? Would they want this shared? Is anyone being pressured [1, 3, 4]? Then write down one or two family guidelines for sharing that you can update as your child gets older [3].

If your child tells you something

How you react matters. Your calm helps your child feel safe, and children whose parents support them heal more quickly [10]. These steps come from guidance on abuse.

Children rarely tell everything at once. Very young children often let something slip by accident, because they don't have the words for it [10]. Many children share a little at a time [9, 10]. Teenagers are more likely to tell a friend first [10].

Do:

• Stay calm. A child may think your shock or anger is aimed at them, and stop talking [9, 10].
• Listen. Let them tell it in their own words, without interrupting or filling in gaps [9].
• Believe them. False reports are rare [7, 8].
• Thank them, and tell them they did the right thing by telling you [7, 8, 9].
• Tell them it is not their fault [8, 9, 10].
• Keep them away from the person. Make a plan with other adults so there is no unsupervised contact [8, 10].
• Get help. Report to child protective services, and find medical care and a counselor who works with children [9, 10]. Reporting rules vary by state [7].
• Get support for yourself from another adult [8, 10].

Don't:

• Press for details or ask leading questions. Keep any questions calm and open [8, 9].
• Promise to keep it secret. Promise to do everything you can to keep them safe instead [10].
• Threaten the person or show your anger in front of your child [8].

If your child later takes it back, it doesn't mean they made it up. This is common [8, 10].

If your child is in danger, call 911 [9, 10].

For advice:

• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: (800) 422-4453, or text GO to 800.422.4453. It's a counseling line, not a reporting line, and it can help you find your state's reporting number [11].
• Stop It Now helpline: 1.888.PREVENT (1.888.773.8368), weekdays, mostly 12–6 pm Eastern (hours vary; see their site), for anyone worried about a child [12].
• Need help now